mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
