I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
