I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
