Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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