What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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