Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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