I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
