i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
In the future we'll all be gay
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
