She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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