Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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