Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
