Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
