I will die if light touches me.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
