dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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