Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
