We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i will never coherently bang her
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
