conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
