Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Dsim1210 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.

Fav 33 4856 992
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(407): View more from Florida

I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.

Fav 14 5061 927
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(864): View more from South Carolina

Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.

Fav 53 1686 5970
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(704): View more from North Carolina

I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.

Fav 15 2667 1302
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(708): View more from Illinois

I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.

Fav 3 2353 796
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(901): View more from Tennessee

ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.

Fav 4 1683 656
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(720): View more from Colorado

I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is

Fav 6 1226 679
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(571): View more from Virginia

Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.

Fav 0 42 15
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle

Fav 0 33 12
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