I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
