the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
