What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
