That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
