Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
