Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
