y did u give ur computer a hand job?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
