Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
love makes seman taste better
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize