i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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