I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
