What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
