Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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