The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
