After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
