I just pynch a tree in the face
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My life is pants optional.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
