I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
