so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Found the puke drawer
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize