Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
