We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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