I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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