I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
