Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
