I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
