i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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