Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
