We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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