Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
