When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
