at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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