too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
