You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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