dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
