It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
