I can't watch pbs sober anymore
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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