Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
