i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
