This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
