I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
