if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
