dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
