The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
