Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
