It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
