He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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