You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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