she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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