I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
