So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
