So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
