dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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