4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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