Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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