you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
