The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
