I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
