sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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