so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
