I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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