3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
