And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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