I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
