I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
